You're Not Even A Speck In My Universe - 
Do you, too, have an imaginary black book that old friends, foes, enemies and idiots go in to?? I do - it's like a fucking telephone directory so filled with twats it is. From people that bullied me at school all the way to cunts that phone up 20 times a day to try and sell me shit I don't want. I think I get this trait off my dad (for my brother has it too) who has a zero tollerence policy aimed at just about anyone he ever encounters, including me for a large portion of my life!? We're OK now though. Funniest time was when some friends (who are now ex-friends) were visiting my mum and dad. When it was about time dad thought they should fuck off back home, he put on his dressing gown and started going around the house turning off the lights!? They still didn't take the hint, so he took out his pecker and poked it in his friend's eye. OK, so the last bit was made up, but it would have been a classic tale if he had. They were the most boooooooring people you ever met in your life, it must be said. One wore glasses so thick they arrived everywhere before he did and his wife... you've never seen an uglier creature in your life. Imagine wrapping the skin of a burns victim around the head of a horse and you are close. They used to make us sit through their holiday movies which were so eye-wateringly dull, you prayed for death. One time, we had to endure a 5 minute close-up of the wife (full face, no gash) and me, my mum and my dad couldn't take it any longer and each took it in turn to leave the room where we promptly burst into uncontrollable hysterics. There's no real end to this story, I'm just kind of rambling. It was probably a "you had to be there" story, sorry about that.

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